dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
