My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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