i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we should paint friendship bongs
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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