i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
