So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
