I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
