I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
there is glitter all over my balls
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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