I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
