I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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