bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
