im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
