If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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