i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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