I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
