I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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