I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
