Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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