hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
