when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
