Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
