She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
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I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
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Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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