I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just found puke in my bra..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
