What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize