I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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