It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
