oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
