Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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