never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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