Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
