How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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