I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
