The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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