so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize