i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
