I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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