I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
