So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
