I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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