i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
