Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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