If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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