spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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