woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
