I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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