I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
