i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
