I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
