It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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