Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
