My friends, they love my intelligence
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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