ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Randomize
