like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize