I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize