May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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