I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
