you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
