We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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