Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
