Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im holly from the hills drunk
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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