It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
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Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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