i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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