I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
