He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize