Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
