Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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